Transformation and Synthesis: Personal Journal Notes

Dr. Eleanor Haspel-Portner

On August 19, 2012, my family and I decided to enjoy an outing to the beach while our Thanksgiving-type turkey dinner with all its trimmings cooked in the oven.

The ocean was as sparkly as the day. We spent joyful time building sandcastles, carrying buckets of ocean water to and fro, and enjoying our summer fun. Just after thinking how much I would love to return to the beckoning ocean the next day for an ocean swim, my 5-year-old granddaughter dropped her pail in the surf. Marvin and I instinctively protected our granddaughter and took charge of rescuing the pail. I reached just as a large wave broke at my feet, knocking me down.

I landed hard on my right shoulder and felt a shock, as a bolt of lightning, through me. I sat up, assessing what happened, and said aloud, “This will completely align me.” Thus began enormously profound transforming experiences.

I got to my feet, aware of the children, so I reassured everyone that I was essentially “all right.” I washed as much sand from my hands and face as I could without moving my right arm (immobilized by still searing pain); I found my flip-flops and carefully walked with one-pointed focus to the car, parked in the parking lot. Marvin had already asked critical medical questions, so he knew the level of my injuries. He was content that I had no head, neck, or other serious injuries needing immediate emergency medical treatment. I could hear Marvin mobilizing the family and reassuring them. Still, I kept moving, keeping my attention totally on getting to the car with the intention of getting home as quickly as we could, knowing the family had gone home. I finally looked at my image in the mirror, and I immediately knew that my clavicle was severely broken – the break in the bone was visible, and the coloration was “off.”

A trip to the Emergency Room confirmed a distal clavicle break that had fragmented the bone. The Doctor advised me to keep my arm in a sling for the next several weeks, not to raise my arm, and to lift no more than a toothbrush – an excellent concept but one, at the moment, impossible to achieve with my right hand since I could not bring my hand to my mouth without excruciating pain.

Thus began a significant shift in my consciousness.

Over the next three days, I was not at all interested in eating, and my body does not tolerate any pain medication. Other ways of healing and stabilizing were imperative. Thus, I began a journey deep into the Tree of Life because there, in deep meditation, my interior space was my greatest ally; there, I was free of pain.

I bathed in white light that streamed in colored rainbow energies, informing my consciousness of messages to bring back to functioning awareness. I stayed in this wordless world of light for these three days.

On the fourth day, I emerged from my initial shock phase of the process, and I began to explore my waking state limitations, e.g., how to open cat food cans with one hand, how to use my computer, meet my professional responsibilities, use my iPhone and iPad, etcetera. These tasks were complicated because I could not find comfortable or pain-free positions. Yet, I was determined to learn whatever there was to learn from this challenge to my body and function with grace and gratitude.

Six days after my “shock,” in significant pain and unable to find a comfortable position, I found myself again inside the Tree of Life. As I opened it to activate it consciously, I felt myself move into a standing position in front of one of my displays of all Aura Soma Bottles. I stood, intentionally aligning my body to a perfectly balanced external and internal equilibrium. I was increasingly attuned and exquisitely aware of each nuance of energetic balance, and I felt each stream traveling through each cell as I envisioned the flow. I experienced energy in every cell of my body, alive and moving.

I focused on my journey through the Tree of Life, re-orienting to the first Sephiroth and each subsequent Sephiroth as I balanced and pulled the energy down through my body. (Even now, as I put my experience into words, I recognize how much broader, more precise, and expanded my memory and experiences were.)

After some time – I completely lost track of time – I returned to functioning consciousness. I wrote down the words of the “Hypnosis for Integrated Awareness” because, when I said phrases to myself, I was conscious of the specificity of my inner suggestions and how my words created interior neural pathways related to the paths of intelligence. I use language and specific words strung together in particular ways to determine interpretive anchors of experiences. I mindfully wrote my intentions for healing and balance into my cells for manifesting.

I wrote my summary when I emerged from this interior space of balance free of pain. I recorded my communication to Marvin to include him and verbalize the synthesis of my experience to myself.

I spent time on the following days with visits to four orthopedists to determine if it was possible and likely for my fragmented clavicle to heal. Finding the “right” orthopedist was challenging, even with the best medical care options. The first orthopedist gave my break a fifty percent chance of healing without surgery. I remembered what my Mother had told me of her pregnancy with me. She was diagnosed with placenta previa early in her pregnancy, and her Doctor told her and my Father that the odds were 50/50 that the pregnancy could go to term. My Father told the Doctor that those odds were unacceptable and he would find a doctor who gave him better odds. Clearly, he did. I gained courage from that story and tapped into the opportunity to find myself better odds. So, while finding the “right” orthopedist, I also worked independently to facilitate my healing.

For example, I had a significant experience with the 19th Path of Intelligence on the Tree of Life, the Path of Secret Works, and Key 8 (Strength). I committed its message to my life by hearing its message to me. This Path connects the 4th and 5th Sephiroth on the Tree of Life, Chesed to Geburah at the level of the shoulders. I got the message: “Stop shouldering responsibilities I did not need to carry.” I could delegate to others. I took action immediately to do that.

In addition, I assumed full responsibility for all events and experiences in my life and owned my full responsibility for my interpretations of them. Thus, I could review all of them from many different and new perspectives. As I worked within the Tree of Life for the following weeks, the Tarot keys became alive on the Tree of Life and in the Noble Sciences Sacred Synthesis. Moreover, I am fully aware of the paths of intelligence from each perspective and feel these paths living inside my cells and consciousness as I move through my days.

All the Keys of Tarot became living energies in my consciousness as they activated each tree’s branches and spoke to me through the Paths of Intelligence. As days proceeded and my clavicle slowly healed, it allowed me more mobility and comfort. However, It perturbed me that my pain stayed constant in intensity throughout my body. What was I not hearing? Seeing? Knowing? I remained in meditation and deep contemplation, seeking the source of my ignorance and separation from the unity of health and healing.

At last, I received the needed jolt of awareness. I recognized that the pain in my clavicle was like and thus related to past pain of both childbirth and of a kidney stone. Therefore, I identified that a kidney stone was unidentified in considering my challenge of the moment. This identification allowed breakthroughs from deep within my remembrance. My internal connections opened me to re-entry into the portal I entered in August 1978 when I was in India. This portal is a gateway to the Divine.

I re-read what Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (aka Osho) said to/of me on August 4, 1978. When I met him face-to-face, I fully recognized his consciousness, and he recognized mine. He talked to me of my deep consistency that others cannot, or do not always, perceive. By acknowledging my core vibrational commitment to love and as the core consistency of my measurement, Bhagwan validated the core to which I had committed my life. That night back then, I remembered my own words: “I will never be afraid of the dark again, for in the dark, I am in brilliant white light. It always shines in me.”

I recalled what he told me when I spoke with him before returning home from India to my life and responsibilities in the world. At that time, he told me I had more than enough energy to clear anything I needed to remove. He told me I had power flowing like a stream that could dislodge any hindrances and flow freely. He encouraged me to remain independent of any input because I had what I needed. As Bhagwan’s words returned to me, I felt my pain release. I had come home.

The grasp of all energies aligning my connection to my Core Self in connected threads of memories within my incarnational destiny now freed me from past glitches in flow. Knowledge came together via understanding and symbols. In this defining moment of time, my consciousness shifted without a way to go backward in this lifetime; my past no longer had form, only interpretive memories.

I now fully awakened to my grasp of the synthesis of knowledge; I recognized the scope of the foundational education, subsequent research for which I was so brilliantly trained, and the careful documentation I have done over many years of study. I experienced the unspeakable love, support, and blessings I received at and from my teachers through their unconditional support and creatively inspired knowledge, especially at the University of Chicago. I am eternally grateful, and as I write this, their faces and presences move around me, further transferring to consciousness those unconscious associations they so sublimely imprinted in my awareness.

I trace my teachers through the streams of years, my deep training in traditional and esoteric disciplines, and the trust placed in me to advance knowledge. I significantly recognize the responsibility I bear in Noble Sciences Sacred Synthesis. And I feel such love and gratitude for all my past and up to and including the current moment. I include all challenging events and responsibilities that I have met and dispensed, I believe with grace, that have driven me from the depths of time. I am so grateful that I recognize myself and my process because I recognize the Divine in this.

Moreover, I recognize and perceive the Divine Brilliance in each moment, relationship, and being, all in existence, seen and unseen, known and unknown. I know the miracle and am living it. Love IS Being.

Addendum:

Since this transformative experience, meditation has deepened my insights, and I am pleased that my body is healthy and resilient. I am back to my daily routine of self-care that includes at least a half to a mile a day swim using a variety of strokes. My clavicle healed fully with no restrictions, and my work has taken those I work with and myself to new heights.

About the Author

Eleanor Haspel-Portner, Ph., passionately brings together esoteric wisdom and scientific discovery in Noble Sciences Sacred Synthesis. She received her Ph.D. from The University of Chicago, Department of Comparative Human Development. Eleanor uniquely integrates her background and training in the Social Sciences (psychology, biology, anthropology, sociology) with a wide array of esoteric and traditional scientific studies.

Through the principles and tools she developed and validated at Noble Sciences, Eleanor helps people transform their lives. Beginning her private practice work as a clinical psychologist in 1974 and as a Professional and Board Certified Coach, Eleanor worked with thousands of individuals, couples, and groups to synthesize life experiences practically for living healthy, successful, and creatively fulfilling lives. Her first book, Marriage in Trouble: A Time of Decision, was published in 1976.

Her other books can be found here.

Eleanor’s professional memberships include: